Ok.. LOL.. Post up your Funnies:
Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such a fantastic shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth closed.

I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to yourself... 'I'm grabbing that.'

Man in a hot air balloon is lost over Iowa. He looks down and sees a farmer in the field and shouts to him, 'where am I'? The farmer looks up and shouts back, 'you're in a basket you dumb ass!'

 

This story was posted years ago on this forum, and I liked it enough to save it on my hard drive. I hope OP doesn't get angry with me for sharing it again ...

Lately my girlfriend of 2 years has been working a lot of evening shifts and for the past couple months has been carpooling with a male co-worker. At first I didn't mind, I would rather have someone with her in case she has car trouble or something like that, but it seems that they have become a little bit more than friends. You know the scenario, the phone calls that hangup, she starts wearing nice clothes to work, talking about him all the time, etc.

I don't know what to think. If I'm out in the garage when she gets home (usually after midnight) he just drops her off and leaves, but if the lights are off in the garage and I'm in the house (they think I'm sleeping) they sit out in the car for like twenty minutes. I asked her once what they were doing, she said, "Just talking"... Whatever.

So last night I decide that I'm going to see what really goes on out there. I leave the garage door open, but turn out all the lights. About the time she usually gets home, I go out and hide in the garage and wait. In a few minutes, his car pulls into my driveway, and I'm hiding behind my Jeep. When his headlights shine through the garage and onto my Jeep, I see something that I just can't believe. The rear diff cover is dented pretty badly. I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT; I had been driving with a busted diff cover! So, what diff cover should I go with?

 

'There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.'
Sam Kinison

First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!'
Second Guy : 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'

 

POLITICAL HUMOR! LMAO
Nancy Pelosi called Chuck Schumer one day and said Iʼve got a plan to help us win in 2020 and help us retain control of Congress and take the Senate.
“Great Nancy but how?” asked Chuck.

“Weʼll get some cheesy clothes and shoes like most Middle Class Americans wear, then stop at the pound and pick up a Labrador Retriever.
Then, weʼll go to a nice old country bar in Montana and show them how much admiration and respect we have for the hard working people living there.”

So they did, and found just the place they were looking for in Bozeman, Montana. With the dog in tow, they walked inside and stepped up to the bar.
The Bartender took a step back and said, “Hey! Arenʼt you Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi?”

“Yes we are!” said Nancy, “And what a lovely town you have here. We were passing through and Chuck suggested we stop and take in some local color.”
They ordered a round of bourbon for the whole bar, and started chatting up a storm with anyone who would listen.

A few minutes later, a grizzled old rancher came in, walked up to the Labrador, lifted up its tail, looked underneath, shrugged his shoulders and walked out.
A few moments later, in came another old rancher. He walked up to the dog, lifted up its tail, looked underneath, scratched his head and left the bar.
For the next hour, another dozen ranchers came in, lifted the dogʼs tail, and left shaking their heads.

Finally, Nancy asked, “Why did all those old ranchers come in and look under the dogʼs tail? Is it some sort of custom?”

“Lord no,” said the bartender. “Someoneʼs out there running around town,
claiming thereʼs a Labrador Retriever in here with two assholes!”